Alex and I have begun discussing our poly philosophy. I have been so satisfied with him throughout our entire relationship that I have never really looked around. Sure I had some missed opportunities to have deeper relationships with other men, but I didn’t feel like I was lacking anything. I cuddled up to him on the couch and felt at home. We lay next to each other embracing. He makes me so happy. I thought for a second that he is all I need. And I told him that there is no reason why he couldn’t continue on the poly path and I just stay where I am… in a mono relationship with him. I have a couple hurdles to cross, but I want him to be as happy as me. He looked at me and said, “That is very selfless. I don’t deserve you.”

That night I didn’t sleep very well. There was that selfless part of me again. Yes, it is what I want. But, I should look back on that ethical egoism. What about that shade of gray I was now offered? I think I need to take the feelings I have for Alex as a revelation. I now know exactly how I feel about him. I am here right now because I love him. He is poly. And he wants me to experience everything life has to offer me. I am proud of the progress we have made and even though I could remain mono with him, nothing will change if I open up to others. Actually, things would change. I would grow stronger individually and Alex will continue falling in love with me over and over again. The next morning Alex was headed out the door for work, turned around and said “I want you to flirt with someone today.” Alright. Sounds fun.

That day I went grocery shopping, hung out at the book store and went to the gym and didn’t find a single male attractive enough to even smile & wink at. I have noticed this in the last couple years. The hot guys are gone. I dont know what happened to them. There are beautiful women all around the city. Where are the men? It is as if society has decided that men don’t have to look nice anymore. As long as they have money and a charismatic personality they are openly accepted for every flaw, wrinkle and growing waste line. I think it is bullshit! We have become a society that views the female as the only sex symbol. Look at the women around you. They are all gorgeous. It hasn’t always been that way. Look at ancient Greece and Rome. They had very sex-saturated cultures and if you look at their paintings and sculptures the male form was the sex symbol. In ancient Rome manliness was their greatest virtue. Now we have lazy, fat, disrespectful jackasses that can get away with it because society has made that the status quo. Meanwhile, we are supposed to be in post-feminism America and women flock to their local plastic surgeon in order to reconstruct themselves to be more aesthetically pleasing to the men who would laugh in their face if they suggested a man should undergo such voluntary mutilation. You have to agree with me. Women have turned from being housewives to sex symbol. Why can we not be an equal gender? Neither one of us has the upper hand in anything. Women run businesses, work in IT and even leave their husband at home to watch the children. They should be as free to be themselves as men are.

I would like for society to be more gender-blind. I am trying to be more gender-blind. I feel that whether it be a man, a women or a couple my main interest is that Alex & I find people that we both care for deeply. I think that this is a magical time in our relationship. We are both learning so much about each other and about ourselves. That is the goal in a polyamorous relationship: to grow individually and in our relationship. Why spend this time building separate relationships? We are still young, new at this and have plenty of time to explore on our own. We discussed our first open relationship and both agree that it makes sense to be in it together.

I personally would like it to be a couple. I guess I just think…the more the merrier. The more people the more ideas: the more diversity. Keep in mind that we are talking about our first relationship. I realize that we will meet people outside each others realm of friends and still want to form relationships with them. I truly believe that when that time comes we will be prepared for it. With as much as we have gone through together we don’t want to start a new relationship philosophy on our own. This is a new exciting idea for the both of us. We aren’t choosing this lifestyle to be away from eachother, it is to have more for ourselves. The happier we are individually the happier we will be together.