Life has been pretty chaotic for the last month.  Everything seems to take such great effort.  I have to make an effort to cook, clean and exercise.  I just dont have the motivation I used to have.  Alex and I have been arguing a little bit.  Mostly about our spending habits.  It’s not because I am making less money; it’s because of the months and months of unemployment.  It ate up our savings.  We need to try to get back on track.  The thing is, we are dating now.  So, it is even more important that we save for the occasions we will need to spend instead of excessive spending on a daily basis.  Anyways.  I have been feeling a bit down about our financial situation and have felt a little trapped too.  There is no solution that sticks out to me for any of our problems.  Getting back to where we were financially is going to take some time and patience.

Another thing that is weighing me down is the small amount I see of Buckley.  He is so busy.  He is also staying with his step-mom and she is very noisy and very needy.  I wish I had more time to talk to him about it.  I know it always helps me to vent.  But, alas, there is no time.  I haven’t seen him in over a week.  Actually, I haven’t talked to him in 2 days.  I really shouldn’t be so upset about it.  It is always wonderful when we do see each other. I think that is one reason why it is so hard to be away from him.  I would like to just enjoy my time with Alex but, it is so hard to do so when we are arguing.  It isn’t Alex’s fault.  We carry the stress of life together.  That’s a lot different from the stress of trying to fit into someones tight schedule for a couple hours a week.  Which (if I may interject) has gotten a lot more complex now that I dont have a spare room.  Before he moved in with his step-mom and before my brother moved down here we both had an extra room.  Now neither of us do.  We have to be really crafty to be able to spend the night together.  The last time he stayed here Alex ended up coming home around 3am and sleeping on the couch.  Buckley felt horrible about it, I didn’t know how to feel and Alex insisted that there were no “second class citizens” meaning Buckley had as much a right to the bed as he did.  Luckily we didn’t know till that morning that he was sleeping out there.  It would have been more awkward trying to figure out what to do at 3am.

I wish I knew how to solve our problems.  I’m just trying to look on the bright side and do what I can to help.  I have a roof over my head and two men I am infatuated with.   I could ask for more, but that’s good enough for me.