Alex has been stressing about dating for some time. Things just haven’t gone as well for him as he had hoped.  Meanwhile, the opposite is happening with me.  When we first decided to start dating I wanted to start first for several different reasons.  I had some jealousy and esteem issues to work out before I could be not just okay, but happy for Alex to have a significant other.  He knew he couldn’t date and that his attention had to be 100% on me in order for me to be comfortable with the situation.  So I started dating, my confidence soared and he fell in love with me all over again.  As soon as I was comfortable in Buckley and my relationship I told him he was able to date, with a couple rules in the beginning because I wasn’t sure how I would feel.  Since then he has grown from happy & optimistic to jealous & depressed.

As long as I have known him he has had such strong confidence in himself.  Recently he has been down on himself telling me he is fat and asking me what other men have that he doesn’t.  It’s hard to see him like this since I can still hear his words in my head telling me it is all mind over matter.  I dont have to be jealous or have self pity.  It took a lot of self discipline to force myself to live in the moment, forget about the past, dont waste my time living for the future.  I have been very empathetic to him since I was there not too long ago.  I have just been trying to get him to focus on what he has instead of what he doesn’t.

Unfortunately, we have had a couple things piling up that are causing some additional stress.  Alex is not the most forgiving person and he holds on to his anger.  I’ve been letting him vent and helping out with what I can.  I knew something had to be done, but I also knew he would have to decide what changed needed to take place.  That is why I was so relieved when he came to me yesterday and told me he was done.  Done stressing about finding a relationship.  He was just going to be open for whatever but not push things.  It’s great because he isn’t changing anything only his view on the situation.  His mindset is the only thing within his power to change. He cant make someone fall for him, but he can be happy with what he has and hopeful for future opportunities.

The rest will work itself out eventually.   By “the rest” I am speaking of my roomate brother that is driving Alex crazy :)  He wont be here forever and there is a lot of good experiences that are being clouded by bad ones.  If he leans to forgive and forget a little better he could possible enjoy my brother’s company.  He’s my brother, he needs a place to stay, I am here for him we should make the best of it while it lasts.